Monday, 24 October 2016


I don't think I've ever seen the stars this bright.
If this is happy, if it is walking the dog late at night, admiring the stars and having someone look at you like that, then I get it. Then I absolutely and completely get it and I take back everything I've ever said. If happy is small wooden stars and words scribbled on the back of blurry photographs and smiles over smiles over smiles, then it all makes sense now. If happy is standing in a bunch of stinging nettle cuddling a dog, if it is burning your tongue on freshly brewed coffee, if it is fireworks a few villages over and excited laughter and fingers intertwining with yours then heck, why haven't I been stupid earlier? Because I've definitely been missing out. If I can be that happy just within a few hours, I can't wait to see how happy I could be in the future.
I don't think I've ever seen the stars this bright. I don't think I've ever had that weird, slightly twisting ache in my chest thinking about someone. I don't think, for the most part. I didn't have to. All I could think was "Happy. Happy. Happy."
If this is falling in love, then I'm so down for it. If it means I can keep this person, I am so so down. If this is what happily ever afters and fairy tales are made of, I get it I get it I get it and I. Take back. Everything. If someone can fill my heart and my mind with so much joy I get why people think they need someone else than themselves to be happy.
If happy is falling asleep next to someone, tangled sheets and tangled limbs, soft early morning light on cheekbones and freckles, smiles that break hearts, laughter that makes you want to die of happiness, singing in the car together, stolen kisses that taste of coffee, if happy is this, then holy hell, I want it all. I now get truly madly deeply and I want it all, I want every goddamn morning and afternoon and night I can get.
I don't think I've ever seen the stars as bright, or the rain as refreshing, or the red and orange and yellow of autumn leaves as intense as these past few weeks and I can't decide whether it scares or excites me. I think it's a bit of both; it's uncharted territory, and people like me with walls around them as if they were medival castles made to survive hundreds of years of attacks don't fall easily. Don't let go easily, let alone hold on to someone easily, but this? This feels good. It even feels right. It feels meant to be. I've never seen the stars this bright.

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to let you know again that I love your writing and mentioned you in a list on my latest blog post of people I've been keeping up with/blogs I've been reading in 2016. I'm not seeing a way to contact you aside from comments so I'm leaving it here.

    Hope you are doing well! xo

    Nicole | explosive bagel