Thursday, 31 May 2018


I've been in a relationship for the past two years. Recently, I've noticed I mention my boyfriend fairly often, and many stories I tell now involve him in some way. I didn't really know what to think about that. I love him and we spend a lot of time together, so it's only natural that I talk about him, but that much? Can't I hold a conversation anymore without telling somebody about him?
N and I have known each other quite a while. So long that I can't remember the first time we met, or talked to each other, or anything. He's been a part of my life for years, so how come I just now started talking about him that much?
Well, of course, I also talk a lot about my cats. I love my cats, I have them around me most of the time, I like spending that time with them, and I think they're pretty funny. Staying with that comparison, I love N, I have him around me a lot, I like that, he's smart and funny and intelligent. So, obviously, I'll tell people jokes he told me, things we did together, just stuff that has to do with him. He said that, he did that, he made me feel loved. And that's the key point here, I feel like. I have known him for years, yes, but he's only recently become THAT important to me that I want to tell people THAT much about him, that I want people to know I love him.

That is not a bad thing, I realized. We still spend a lot of time apart, we still do stuff on our own, we have our own interests and hobbies and friends. He changed me, yes, but he did that before we were a couple too, and that doesn't mean that now I completely depend on him or that my personality has been shaped entirely by him. Change is good. Change means progress and learning.
I used to think if a significant other changed you a lot (or even just a little), that means you're pressuring yourself into an image of you they might have, that you're changing to benefit the other person and that you changing for a s.o. was a bad thing. I've realized that isn't true. I have had to be a lot more compassionate in the last year, a lot more understanding, a lot more communicating, a lot more honest. I would consider each and every of those traits a good one. Having N around me to love me and to be loved by me taught me quite a bit, and therefore changed the way I interact with people, how I express my emotions. I'm not a cynical asshole anymore when it comes to romantic things and relationships (at least as much as I used to be), I try to understand people's reasons for their actions more than before and I try and try and try to be a better person, for the sake of everybody who has to be around me on a regular basis.
Having someone in your life to talk about is actually quite a cool thing. It's a good thing. It does by no means mean my life and thoughts are consumed by just one person, it simpy shows how important he is to me. That's okay. I just needed to realize that.

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